[So-- this is sort of begrudging on his part. Not because he doesn't like Verity -- he does. A lot, actually. But Loki was a sore topic now more than ever. That didn't mean he wasn't entirely without concern. Loki had been-- miserable when they found him. He wanted to be sure he wasn't wasting away on a bench somewhere.
He didn't want to drag her into anything was between him and Loki though, so he asked as casual as possible--]
[Hearing from Billy is, well, surprising, though not entirely unexpected. She'd heard about what had happened, how things hadn't exactly gone pleasantly in his previous meeting with Loki. Chewing on her lip, she pauses for a brief moment before responding.]
Yeah, I've seen him. [Actually lingering in his apartment now, sitting in his kitchen eating a piece of leftover pie as the god sleeps soundly in the other room.] He's alright. For the most part.
Yeah? Good to know. He wasn't exactly... doing great, last I saw.
[And he does mean it's good to know. He'd still prefer Loki to not be somewhere sulking outside and there's no point in even trying to lie to Verity, right?]
No, he wasn't. [There really wasn't any point in lying, though it's easy to see he's still bouncing around the subject, avoiding the actual reason for the call.
She grows a bit more stern in her tone, an undeniable protectiveness edging out.] He's hurt, Billy.
[She drops her spoon, letting it clink on the dish as she loses the focus of her appetite, pinching the bridge of her nose instead.]
Look, whatever you guys do behind closed doors is your business. I really don't want to know; it has nothing to do with me. But you, out of everybody, have had really complicated history with Loki, so you should know better about what you're dealing with. I know you said you were having trouble with forgiving him. I get that. But I really expected better out of you guys than to just sleep with him and tuck him away like something shameful.
He isn't made of stone. He's fragile. He's — he's lonely. [She sighs heavily, pressing her forehead in a hand.] You were honest to me before about caring about him. I know you weren't lying. But you have to be more careful with him before he breaks.
I didn't mean to make him feel unwanted. You have to know I'm not lying about that. He's never been-- a shameful secret. I don't know what happened between him and Teddy any more than you do, but I told Teddy I'd spent nights with him. I'm not-- going into details about sex acts with him though... no more than I'd go up to you and tell you what I do with Teddy or anyone else. And apparently Teddy was under the impression what they did was a one time thing? Not something to really go talking about.
[He flirted with, and kissed Loki, pretty openly at the housewarming party though. He'd more or less told Kate that they'd been together. Billy doesn't think that says shame.] I don't know what else Loki told you about that night, but I was trying to explain that to him. Just because Teddy and I don't talk details about anyone to each other or other people doesn't mean I'm hiding it. And then he started trying to start fights between Teddy and I. Maybe I shouldn't have lost my temper, but... if I don't know what he wants out of a relationship with me, how am I supposed to know how to approach it? I'm not a mind reader.
[He lets out a sigh of his own, taking a moment to calm down.] I know he's in a bad spot... that's why I wanted to take care of him when we found him on the bench. I was and am worried for him. I do care. But... he doesn't believe it and I don't know how to change it. He called it token kindness, you know. I didn't just-- go up to him so I could pat myself on the back later, Verity. I'm not like that.
[And a little quieter--] I don't know. Maybe I'm just not good for him or something.
Whatever strategy you have in this place is up to you. If you want to keep your secrets, that's fine. But I just think you should reconsider how you go about it when it comes to Loki, because he's not seeing it the way you are. Especially considering everything else ...
[She trails off, a tight knot in her stomach. Leah. Daimon. Thor.]
He needs people, Billy. He needs us. And with him, you can't — you can't go about it halfway. It's not about measuring yourself up in how good you are. [No, it's never been about that. She knows that now.] He just needs you to really be there wholeheartedly.
He's — he's lost too much. And he's losing himself more because of it. That's why, you need to make sure he knows he's cared for. You can't bounce around the lines with him. Because in the end, he's the one who won't be able to forgive himself for it.
Is it really a secret if he knows I sleep with Loki? [Wow, this is way more info than he ever really wanted to share with Verity, actually...] I don't know how I can make him see it, Verity... [He tried, or he thought he did.]
If you've got advice or suggestions, I'm open for it. I am. He doesn't want to tell me what he needs or wants from me... and he doesn't have to, but all the same, I can't just guess, especially when I keep guessing wrong. [Billy doesn't want to hurt anyone intentionally, but he's also not the always the best at reading situations or dealing with people.
And Loki is complicated. Unlike Verity, Billy can't just know when he's lying or putting up a front either.]
After Teddy and I got back together, Loki... refused to have anything to do with us. He wanted to keep away because he's guilty or not good enough or whatever else and I broke through his wards to talk to him. I ended up sick on his couch for hours, but-- didn't that show I cared? If I was that unwilling to lose-- whatever we are.
[She never wanted to get involved in this in the first place. But Loki's her best friend, and seeing him as struck down and hopeless as he was locked up in his room, shut away from the world, she couldn't let that keep up.]
If he stepped away from it in the first place ... [She thinks on that, shaking her head as she has a realization, running a hand through her hair in disbelief.] Geez, if he backed down when you two got back together, of course he was trying to protect whatever you two have. It's not whatever else. You know how he feels about everything he's done in the past. He does feel guilty and he's trying to be better. But if you're gonna drag him back in after he tried to make good on his mistakes — why wouldn't he be expecting more? You don't have to read minds to get that, Billy.
[She pauses, catching her breath.] Look, I don't have some answers of spiritual guidance for you. I don't know all the details of whatever relationship the three of you have, but from what you've all told me, it sounds like it's right there. There's not much else I can give you.
I know he was trying to protect it... I know he thought he'd mess things up between us. I tried to tell him then that wasn't the case... I told him the sex between us wasn't even the important part... it was being friends.
[He pauses, awkwardly. Yeah, there aren't that many ways to read that, but...] So, what... you think he wants to be included in on the relationship? Wants to be my boyfriend? He mentioned something about not-boyfriends when he was trying to start a fight between me and Teddy, but that-- wasn't the best way to bring the topic up.
That's not — Loki wouldn't care about labels. It's doubtful it'd be about that. [She groans almost quietly, wondering how she caught up in teen drama. She wasn't qualified for this.]
Look. He's been through a lot these past few days and he's finally taking it easy, getting himself back together. Why don't you take some time to yourself too to really think about all of this and get a different perspective on it? Let it rest for a little while.
If it's just the fact he wants to feel like he's important to me, then I tried to show that... and he called me self-centered and the attempt token. [He lets out a tired sigh -- yeah, he didn't want to involve her in the drama either. He didn't want there to be drama in the first place.]
Yeah, I'm not going to bother him. I just wanted to make sure he made it somewhere better than the park, that's all. Thanks for the talk.
I know you mean well, Billy. I do. [She can read that he means it, that he at least believes that, but it always stems to be more complicated than that.]
I'll be watching him for a few days, making sure he's safe and doesn't do anything drastic. I'll let you know if anything changes. But just take it easy until then.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
realistics) wrote2015-03-17 02:45 pm
voice;
He didn't want to drag her into anything was between him and Loki though, so he asked as casual as possible--]
Any chance you've seen Loki?
voice;
Yeah, I've seen him. [Actually lingering in his apartment now, sitting in his kitchen eating a piece of leftover pie as the god sleeps soundly in the other room.] He's alright. For the most part.
voice;
[And he does mean it's good to know. He'd still prefer Loki to not be somewhere sulking outside and there's no point in even trying to lie to Verity, right?]
voice;
She grows a bit more stern in her tone, an undeniable protectiveness edging out.] He's hurt, Billy.
voice;
I know. What did he tell you anyway?
voice;
[She drops her spoon, letting it clink on the dish as she loses the focus of her appetite, pinching the bridge of her nose instead.]
Look, whatever you guys do behind closed doors is your business. I really don't want to know; it has nothing to do with me. But you, out of everybody, have had really complicated history with Loki, so you should know better about what you're dealing with. I know you said you were having trouble with forgiving him. I get that. But I really expected better out of you guys than to just sleep with him and tuck him away like something shameful.
He isn't made of stone. He's fragile. He's — he's lonely. [She sighs heavily, pressing her forehead in a hand.] You were honest to me before about caring about him. I know you weren't lying. But you have to be more careful with him before he breaks.
voice;
[He flirted with, and kissed Loki, pretty openly at the housewarming party though. He'd more or less told Kate that they'd been together. Billy doesn't think that says shame.] I don't know what else Loki told you about that night, but I was trying to explain that to him. Just because Teddy and I don't talk details about anyone to each other or other people doesn't mean I'm hiding it. And then he started trying to start fights between Teddy and I. Maybe I shouldn't have lost my temper, but... if I don't know what he wants out of a relationship with me, how am I supposed to know how to approach it? I'm not a mind reader.
[He lets out a sigh of his own, taking a moment to calm down.] I know he's in a bad spot... that's why I wanted to take care of him when we found him on the bench. I was and am worried for him. I do care. But... he doesn't believe it and I don't know how to change it. He called it token kindness, you know. I didn't just-- go up to him so I could pat myself on the back later, Verity. I'm not like that.
[And a little quieter--] I don't know. Maybe I'm just not good for him or something.
voice;
[She trails off, a tight knot in her stomach. Leah. Daimon. Thor.]
He needs people, Billy. He needs us. And with him, you can't — you can't go about it halfway. It's not about measuring yourself up in how good you are. [No, it's never been about that. She knows that now.] He just needs you to really be there wholeheartedly.
He's — he's lost too much. And he's losing himself more because of it. That's why, you need to make sure he knows he's cared for. You can't bounce around the lines with him. Because in the end, he's the one who won't be able to forgive himself for it.
voice;
If you've got advice or suggestions, I'm open for it. I am. He doesn't want to tell me what he needs or wants from me... and he doesn't have to, but all the same, I can't just guess, especially when I keep guessing wrong. [Billy doesn't want to hurt anyone intentionally, but he's also not the always the best at reading situations or dealing with people.
And Loki is complicated. Unlike Verity, Billy can't just know when he's lying or putting up a front either.]
After Teddy and I got back together, Loki... refused to have anything to do with us. He wanted to keep away because he's guilty or not good enough or whatever else and I broke through his wards to talk to him. I ended up sick on his couch for hours, but-- didn't that show I cared? If I was that unwilling to lose-- whatever we are.
voice;
If he stepped away from it in the first place ... [She thinks on that, shaking her head as she has a realization, running a hand through her hair in disbelief.] Geez, if he backed down when you two got back together, of course he was trying to protect whatever you two have. It's not whatever else. You know how he feels about everything he's done in the past. He does feel guilty and he's trying to be better. But if you're gonna drag him back in after he tried to make good on his mistakes — why wouldn't he be expecting more? You don't have to read minds to get that, Billy.
[She pauses, catching her breath.] Look, I don't have some answers of spiritual guidance for you. I don't know all the details of whatever relationship the three of you have, but from what you've all told me, it sounds like it's right there. There's not much else I can give you.
voice;
[He pauses, awkwardly. Yeah, there aren't that many ways to read that, but...] So, what... you think he wants to be included in on the relationship? Wants to be my boyfriend? He mentioned something about not-boyfriends when he was trying to start a fight between me and Teddy, but that-- wasn't the best way to bring the topic up.
voice;
Look. He's been through a lot these past few days and he's finally taking it easy, getting himself back together. Why don't you take some time to yourself too to really think about all of this and get a different perspective on it? Let it rest for a little while.
voice;
Yeah, I'm not going to bother him. I just wanted to make sure he made it somewhere better than the park, that's all. Thanks for the talk.
voice;
I'll be watching him for a few days, making sure he's safe and doesn't do anything drastic. I'll let you know if anything changes. But just take it easy until then.
voice;